Recently, I had the occasion to travel, which meant spending considerable amounts of time in airports and on airplanes. When I travel, I usually prefer to make my own arrangements. This  allows me to choose where to sit on the flight. However, on this particular trip, someone else had booked the reservation. This meant that I was not able to make the choices I would typically make. Most people have a preference when flying, whether  a window or aisle seat. But nobody I know would willingly choose to sit in a middle seat.

Airlines make no secret of the fact that the farther back you are in the plane, the tighter the space becomes. And with the tighter space comes the opportunity to exercise your manners, especially if you happen to be in the dreaded middle seat. For instance, where do you put your elbows? Who gets the shared armrest? Who decides whether the window shade remains open or closed? 

If  you’re sitting in the aisle seat, your exposure to the manners, or lack thereof, of others increases dramatically. Fellow travelers lean uncomfortably over you to reach into the overhead compartment midflight, several times. Or they walk up and down the aisle toward the lavatory, bumping into you frequently as they’re jostled by turbulence. I think you get the picture, so I will refrain from mentioning the chaos that ensues once the plane lands and passengers are eager to deplane as quickly as they can, regardless of how far back in the aircraft they may be sitting.

On that recent trip, I started observing the importance of manners in airports and on planes. For many, traveling can cause some measure of anxiety and stress levels are increased. Long lines, waiting to hear your boarding group called, wondering if your flight will be on time or canceled are normal things to worry about when traveling. The sheer volume of people sharing in these worries only magnifies this.

According to the Mental Health Foundation in the UK, “Stress is our body’s response to pressure. It is often triggered when we experience something new or unexpected that threatens our sense of self of when we feel we have little control over a situation.”  Seems that spending time in an airport is simply an incubator for increased levels of stress.

Even when life is more “normal,” our levels of stress can be influenced by comparatively small things, a disagreement at work, spilled coffee, or another car that merges into your lane unexpectedly on the freeway. Practically any interpersonal exchange is an opportunity for us to experience a change in our stress levels. And that is where our manners come into play.

In what we commonly refer to as the “Golden Rule,” Jesus addresses these areas of interpersonal interactions by saying, “…in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12 NIV). Just before this verse, Jesus was teaching about how people should treat each other. Don’t judge, don’t criticize, be kind, show compassion. I think we would all agree that our communities would be in a better place if more of us acted in the way Jesus described.

When we take it upon ourselves to mind our manners, we are making a conscious effort to defuse potentially volatile situations. Poor manners tend to cause hurt feelings or worse. They can often communicate disrespect or poor manners can disregard for others. Nobody wants to be on the receiving end of poor manners, let alone the accompanying stress that follows. 

Remember the situations I described from my trip? Being bumped into repeatedly not only bothered me, but it also elevated my frustration and stress. I began allowing my irritation with people to spiral, reaching a level that triggered some unhealthy thoughts. Leaning over to my wife, I asked her rhetorically if people were just seeking to make me uncomfortable? Of course, I knew the answer, I didn’t need her to say a word. 

Biblically speaking, minding our manners goes far beyond simply saying “please” and “thank you.” It’s more than being patient at work or on the freeway, though it certainly includes that kind of overflowing patience. 

I’m reminded of Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase in The Message: “If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if His love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care – then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget about yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand”(Philippians 2:1-4 MSG).

That passage makes me rethink the thoughts I had swirling through my head on that recent flight. Am I more concerned about my own advantage than the well-being of those around me. Am I truly treating others the way I want to be treated? If I’m honest, most of the time, I  get what I deserve. And I know I can do better. I really should mind my manners.